Coffee with a bit of pseudo-Victorian mechanical style

So, it has been a while since I’ve talked with you guys. But during this vast span of silence, I worked far too many hours, started chatting with one of my online matches, went on a little coffee date, caught a cold and decided there will be no second date …

I received my first message from this ‘Steampunk Fish‘ about four weeks ago. It was sweet, funny, and obvious that he’d actually read my profile. According to his calculations and comparisons, we had several things in common. Like me, he’s nerdy, likes movies, live music, video games, graphic novels, and even the outdoorsy stuff like camping and fishing and stuff. Holy Hell! That’s great! Also, judging from the length of the initial message, he’s chatty!!

After confirming these shared similarities for myself and doing a little profile research of my own, I decided this guy had earned himself a response message. Oh, did I mention that all half-dozen of his profile photos are either in costume, funny hats or making crazy faces.

We spent a couple of weeks chatting about movies, jobs, life and all that. Each message was funny and charming…. and pretty nerdy. But I didn’t mind. I looked forward to each message, but now I wanted to meet. We scheduled a coffee date and waited to take our blossoming relationship to the next stage.

Then we met! …And, meh, it was alright.

Sadly, it was even harder to carry on a conversation with this guy than it was with the “Swedish Fish“, and I worked my ass off to keep that conversation going. Don’t get me wrong, there were moments when the chatting was fine, but a lot of moments when it wasn’t so fine. Anything outside of the topics of nerdy tv, movies, video games  and fan conventions; everything went to hell. Now, I can discuss any of those topics until I’m blue in the face, but he didn’t even know some of the things I brought up!? That doesn’t even make sense. Don’t claim to be obsessed with television and movies if you haven’t seen any of the classics!!

Also, the espresso bar where we had initially met decided to close early that night… you know, because who really wants to work that last hour!? Just kick everyone out, and go home. So we walked down the street to a different cafe. Little did I know that Thursdays at this particular cafe is “Date Night” – they have a bunch of specials on things that two people can share and all that gimmicky crap. “Steampunk Fish” just kept loudly talking about it. You know like when high school kids loudly talk about something so everyone else in the room can hear what they’re talking about, but no one cares… but the kids think everyone cares…so they keep doing it… He was doing that! Like, he needed everyone within earshot to know he was on a date. Because that’s not embarrassing (please note tone of sarcasm).

Though, all of his over-the-top theatrics could have been a result of the waiter flirting with me. Again, not awkward at all! As soon as we sit down the waiter comes over and stops to say that  I look familiar and starts chatting, while the “Steampunk Fish” is just sitting there. Now “Steampunk Fish” either thinks that I’m in there all the time on countless dates, or that this ballsy waiter is trying to pick up his date. Following this little flirt-session, our Waiter Guy proceeds to ridicule the fruity drink that “Steampunk Fish” orders! Yeesh again!!

After about another hour of forced, and awkward conversation, I was done. I’d seen everything I needed to see. Despite the fact we had EXACTLY the same birthday (July 20, 1978 - mark your calendars!! ), he seemed immature. I don’t remember each exact example, but there was a definite vibe. He had no real motivation or goals in life, his job is in a seed mill, and he basically just babysits a machine and makes sure it doesn’t get jammed. Over the weekend following our date, I was in the office – both days! – and he sent a text asking how my weekend was going, and telling me that his was good. He was at some nearby Apple festival…then went on about how it was a great day to be outside, knowing full well that I was stuck at the office. Like working on one of the last nice weekends of the year isn’t bad enough… some stranger is mocking me about it! *grrr*

Steampunk Fish” also seemed a little “small town”… like a farm kid, but without any of the agricultural knowledge. The type of guy that you would never be able to take anywhere… like, he showed up for our coffee date wearing a hoodie and a G.I. Joe t-shirt!? Really!? I like a good retro 80s TV t-shirt as much as anyone, but there’s a time and a place. First date, maybe not the best choice for the novelty tee.

I just don’t know. Originally, I thought I would go on a second date, but there was no real connection. I had been pretty excited about the whole thing from our messages, but after meeting him… not so excited any more.

Here’s  the subsequent texts that were exchanged after our first date:

Steampunk Fish:
(2012-09-28 11:20 am)
Yay Friday!!

(2012-09-29 3:35 pm)
Hey… Just wanted to see how your weekend was going.
Mine has been good, had a good time at the Apple Festival today :-)

yummy apple fritters!!

Me:
Nice. It was a fine day for fritters!!
I’ve been at the office all afternoon.
Trying to catch up, but its not been overly successful.

(2012-09-29 3:54 pm)
Crappy… It is a SUPER nice day to be outside, lol

(2012-10-01 10:35 am)
Morning, Sunshine

Afternoon. Hope your AM went well.

It was busy, so that always helps the time fly.
This aft, not so much, lol. How’s your day going.

Busy, Busy.
A few meetings and things.
Trying to work on about three projects, so really nothing at all is getting done

lol… Awesome :-P
How did the rest of your weekend go?

(2012-10-01 11:11 pm)
It was pretty work-centric. So, overall pretty boring.

You?

(2012-09-29 3:54 pm)
I have no complaints, lol.
Had a lot of fun, between the Apple Festival and feeling out with various friends for the rest of the weekend :-)
was tiring, though, lol 

(2012-10-03 1:03 pm)
How are those projects coming? Are you winning?

(2012-10-03 10:26 pm)
I won a bit today, but there’s a big project that’s looming on the horizon…
It’s one of the most hated sites that our company works on.

(2012-10-03 10:26 pm)
Yay! Sounds exciting!! So what are you thinking about a round 2?

And that essentially was the end of that. The nauseous feeling I got at the very mention of a second date was all I needed to know that it wasn’t going to happen. Like, seriously!? It was like a 12-year old girl is send me texts! How many times does he say “lol”!?! Or “Yay”!!? Jesus Christ!? I know it’s just a pet peeve of mine, but I HATE people who use ‘lol’ as punctuation!? Hate. It.

So, as a result of his outright obnoxious texts, in addition to the uncomfortable first date –  not more dates for “Steampunk Fish“!!

2 responses to “Coffee with a bit of pseudo-Victorian mechanical style

  1. Oh my god, those texts are like those shady fake chatroom ads for Russian women or horny teen girls or F***book that show up on torrent or fileshare sites. This guy is a champion at life.

  2. This is just my opinion, but if someone works in a factory and doesn’t want to get out of there, they must have zero motivation job-wise and little to no career goals. I know because I have worked at several factories/plants and it is so mind-numbing that you practically spend your day hatching escape plans. I am not knocking people who work in factories – it’s just that I have never met one who didn’t want a different job. It probably indicates that he has little or no motivation elsewhere in life, like you assumed. Yup, better not to have that second date.

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