When I read this message the first time, I could only think of Costanza. Some big, fat jerk demanding a woman who is nothing short of perfect. Honestly, how many times does your message (and profile) need to specify you will only accept messages from what you consider a ‘beautiful’ lady. I get it, you’re shallow…. and apparently can cook look a mofo.

]]> http://flirtationswithfish.com/2012/12/14/crazy-message-of-the-week-2012-12-14/feed/ 0 _Crazy Message flirtationswithfish _Crazy Message 2012-12-14 http://flirtationswithfish.com/2012/12/11/29-things-to-avoid-in-a-boyfriend/ http://flirtationswithfish.com/2012/12/11/29-things-to-avoid-in-a-boyfriend/#comments Wed, 12 Dec 2012 01:53:41 +0000 Thought Catalog http://flirtationswithfish.com/2012/972/ ]]>

Reblogged from Thought Catalog:

1. He frequently says things about women as a whole that are extremely disparaging, while referring to you as the shining exception, i.e. "So glad you're not a crazy bitch like most girls."

2. When you screw up, he will then put you in the camp with "the rest" of women and remind you that you are no different and share the same universal flaws.

Read more… 612 more words

That’s a pretty lengthy message from someone who is just looking for a fuck buddy! Not to mention his profile says he’s 23, yet this message says he’s 29?! But, you know…’dating is more difficult for intelligent, attractive people‘… especially when you’re an idiot and a liar. And why would he go with this elaborate sales pitch? Why tell me what an outstanding guy, what a great provider you are when that has nothing to do with the deal you’ve brought to the table. Also, why would you choose “committed” as one of the three words to describe yourself….when the rest of your message is about how you don’t want to commit. That just makes no sense. No sense at all.

Oh but wait, there’s more!! A second message was sent a few days later…

Then, he sent this third message just a couple of days after that…

Again, I fail to see why literacy is such a high factor in selecting his potential booty calls??  ”Frantically writing to you again“…Seriously?! And some free online dating site telling you that we have a 68% compatibility (which is terrible), doesn’t give you licence to harass me. There is no way you’re ever gonna hit this. Move along…

Hello again!! I have been all kinds of busy again lately, as a result I have been seriously lacking in my posting. But don’t you worry, things are going on, it’s just I’ve been failing miserably at relaying all the dating excitement.

Recently I decided to attend a Plenty of Fish event. I have received notifications of these events before, but since they were always being hosted at a local country bar,  I knew right off the bat that I would not be attending. But, evidently I was not the only one who wasn’t cool with the country scene… So, due to some serious outcry – they moved the event to this new, hip and trendy venue which was pretty much described as a dating Shangri-La.

Where drinks would be offered to the daters at a special price. Where food would be discounted 10% for any of the POFers. Where a live band would be rockin’ all the best songs of the 70s and 80s in front of a large dance floor. And as if that wasn’t enough, there was the promise of door prizes and a pseudo-arcade full of basketball hoops, a bowling lane, a golf simulator, pool tables, and retro video games?!?

As awesome as that all sounds. It was far removed from the actual reality.

I saw no door prizes. The dance floor was tiny. There were no deals on food or drink and no way I could see from identifying the POFers from any of the regular Joes in the place!

Actually, that’s not entirely true. The older folks in the outdated fashions were definitely there with the event. It was like all the divorces had been finalized and everyone grabbed their favourite outfit from the 1980s and ran out to the bar. Honestly, there was one woman in a matching black and white zebra-print blazer and skirt and a string of pearls. Holy crap, it was tragic. She appeared to be very nice, but I just wanted to take her away and give her a makeover.

In addition to the countless fashion faux pas on parade, the atmosphere of this little mixer was reminiscent of a grade seven dance. Nothing says sophisticated, adult dating event like a cartoon turtle and flounder getting to know each other on the side of a balloon.

Lots of uncomfortable men and women standing around, and just overall awkwardness. But, unlike those grade school dances… there was booze involved. And believe me when I tell you, those alcoholic drinks were the only thing that got most of us through the evening.

Also, as I mentioned earlier, there is no way to distinguish the people who are there with the POF event and those who are just hanging out at the bar. Though, after quickly scoping out the scene, I didn’t want anyone to know I was there with the event either. According to the email invite, there has been much debate about event wristbands in order to identify those where were there as part of the event. Personally, I think it’s a good idea, otherwise, I may as well just go to any bar and try to figure out who’s single and who isn’t.

Another thing that I noticed at this event is that I’m stuck in the 30-something Dating Dead Zone!! There was a bunch of people in their 20s and then a whole bunch of people in their 40s-50s, but no one appeared to be in their 30s.

Chances are that this could have just been one bad event, but I will have to check out another event to be sure… And I’m not saying it wasn’t a fun night. I had plenty of fun, but I was there with friends and we knew the bassist in the band. Hopefully, if I go to an event in the future, I won’t just talk to people I already know. That’s cheating.

Here we are at the end of the week!! And believe me, it didn’t come soon enough. What a long and work-filled week. Yuck.
But, another thing to be thankful about, besides the fact today is Friday, is that I really didn’t get any messages that were too crazy this week!! Maybe all the crazies are busy with Christmas cards and holiday shopping…?? But, we can’t have a week without a crazy message, so here is the one that out-crazied the rest:

Now, on its most basic level – this is just a well-intentioned message… But, I think it’s an odd message since, he doesn’t seem to be interested in pursuing any sort of online dating. So, he’s basically saying ‘Hey, you’ve got a lot going on…but personally, I am not interested in any of it’. Does he just think he’s not lucky enough? Then, the reassurance that God has big romantic plans for me… honestly, I’m not sure if he’s trying to convince me or himself. But, as he says… i deserve to be happy too…
Again, it just sounds like a half-hearted compliment. But, I’m taking it! It’s been a tough week and I do like compliments and people telling me things are going to be delightful!

Oh, and something I will need to go into much more detail about is the super awesome messages I’ve been exchanging with this video game designer!! I’m excited, and have high hopes for this guy. Though, I’m trying not to get too excited, you know, my past experiences make me nervous. But this “Crazy Message” guy says everything is going to work out. So, who am I to question this random guy… Yay!!

]]> http://flirtationswithfish.com/2012/11/30/crazy-message-of-the-week-2012-11-30/feed/ 1 _Crazy Message flirtationswithfish _Crazy Message http://flirtationswithfish.com/2012/11/23/crazy-message-of-the-week-2012-11-23/ http://flirtationswithfish.com/2012/11/23/crazy-message-of-the-week-2012-11-23/#comments Fri, 23 Nov 2012 14:15:42 +0000 Zoe Barnes http://flirtationswithfish.com/?p=877 ]]> I trust everyone had a great Thanksgiving and is ready to enter into the Thunderdome of Black Friday shopping. So, to prepare you for the crazy you’re about to face in your consumerist battle, I have the Crazy Message of the Week:

I know nothing gets a party started like grabbing a carton of smokes and a frosty brew!! … Now, I will admit that I can be pretty particular and a little snobby about some things… but that just sounds like a trashy trailer park nightmare. Needless to say, this is one party to which I will not RSVP.

Sorry buddy, but I’m sure you’ll find someone who will love your beer and cigarettes party offer. git r done!

Yup, that’s it. I figured after last week’s epic ramble-fest, I thought I would give you a little break.

Now, admittedly, there is nothing particularly crazy about being 30. But, when you think it’s your only selling point to a potential date, that’s crazy!

…and sad.

Wow! I think it’s Saturday now!! Jesus, Dude!! All that shit goes into you’re friggin’ profile!! That’s what it’s for!!
But, since we’re sharing…. here’s a little something about me: I don’t accept other people for who they are… if who they are is an idiot!!!

Like, his interests include Fall Fairs and Carnivals!? Really?! I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone list those cheap, seedy travelling death traps among their interests…ever.

Dry County?! Oh, believe me when I tell you – I just had to Google this gem! And, if you’re so inclined, I’ll save you the trouble – here’s their site. Apparently, it’s Canada’s top unsigned country act – where AC/DC meets Alabama. The fans call themselves the Redneck Mafia!? Wow! I can just image my life with this guy – non-stop carnivals, country music and demolition derbys!! No fancy dinners – guaranteed this guy doesn’t eat sushi! No trips to museums! No arts, no culture …no being able to bring him out to work functions!!

And is it really necessary to list that you dislike people who beat children and women? Are there people out there who have those things filed under their “interests” column?!

I haven’t really posted anything other than the Crazy Message of the Week lately… as that is really all that has been going on down on the online dating front. Sad, I know. But a new trend has presented itself – women messaging me. I have received two messages from two different women this week alone. Now, the tragic twist is that they both are more attractive and engaging that ANY of the messages from the opposite sex that have found their way into my Inbox!

Look at this message. It’s short, it’s sweet, and the words are all spelled correctly?!

Hey cutie! How are you?
I’m pretty new to this whole online thing but you definitely caught my eye so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to send you a message. I hope you’re having a wonderful day and I really hope to hear back from you .
-J

She actually used “YOU’RE” instead of “YOUR” or “UR“?!  Why must the universe laugh in my face!! But wait! There’s more! I did mention a second lovely lady… here’s her cute message:

Hello awesome person! I must say you are super cute hun! You seem super awesome so I’m hoping we can get to know each other! Hope to hear from you soon!

Just look at how awesome she thinks I am!

And, may I add that both of these women were very attractive. A few of my friends were privy to these messages and photos, and everyone was impressed – especially the dudes. But, not only were they cute and crafting a coherent message, they both had absolutely charming profiles. Both women were clever and funny and shared many of my interests. Dammit! It hurts my heart! It seems like nothing is aligning properly!
I have no interest in the dudes who find me attractive, the dudes that I find attractive have no interest in me, and the people with the qualities that I’m attracted to, and who are also attracted to me – are women!?

What an epiphany… but, on the bright side – it’s certainly better than having NO ONE showing any interested in me!
Haha. So, I’m not going to give up, and at the very least I will find a guy who is worthy of a second date!

This is a sneaky one! Things start off well, correctly spelled words, he indicates he’s at least read my profile… but things quickly take a turn to the incoherent!! This message had me more confused than any other I’ve received. Is ‘Marco‘ some sort of slang the kids are using these days that I’m just not hip enough to understand? The NOCD thing – again, no idea. And honestly, by that point in the message I have completely lost any understanding of what’s going on! Now, after last week’s Crazy Message, I am just going to pass on the rant about all the horrendous spelling errors!! I simply don’t have the energy.

But, don’t you worry, random messenger guy… I won’t be needing those references…